I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
