your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
