I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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