awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
