if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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