Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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