what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
