he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
