And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
