you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
