How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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