I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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