is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
