She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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