Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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