Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
