i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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