so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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