dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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