you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
