...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
