Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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