soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
