Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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