i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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