Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i out mim tonsoeep
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
