Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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