We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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