I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
