I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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