So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
