the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
