CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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