I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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