New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This house was built for laser tag.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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