we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
