walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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