y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
