Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize