At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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