I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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