I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
