I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
