I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
