I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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