do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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