my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
