Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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