Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
