He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he thought i was a dude.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
