I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize