I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
