she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
