Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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