I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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