Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is Oprah even human
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
