remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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