In the future we'll all be gay
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
