i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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