i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
