My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
