fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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