let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
