also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
